Many families deal with ambiguous loss but may not realize it. Ambiguous loss happens to those who have experienced the unverified loss of a loved one. The concept was first identified and studied by my mentor and colleague, Dr. Pauline Boss. There are two types:
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Physical loss with psychological presence: Where a person is physically missing, such as when soldiers go missing in action, or bodies are not recovered following natural disasters or acts of terrorism; less extreme examples include losses felt through divorce, adoption, or immigration
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Psychological loss with physical presence: Where a person is physically present, but mentally absent or altered due to things like Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, traumatic brain injury, depression, anxiety, autism, or addiction
In both cases, the person remains “present” within the family system and continues to affect the way family members relate to one another and to others. Because of the ambiguity of the loss, however, there is no real way to gain the “closure” one normally does following the clear loss of a loved one (i.e., death). There is always the chance this person might return or be cured.
Therefore, ambiguous loss can freeze the natural grieving process humans go through when they lose someone, hindering their personal growth and affecting their overall quality of life. Ambiguous loss is one of the most difficult losses to cope with and navigate.
Ambiguous loss is a relational issue. It does not originate within an individual psyche. The problem stems from circumstances beyond a person's control. By building resilience, many people can again find meaning and hope.
Coping with Ambiguous Loss
I am actively involved in educating families, professionals, and communities about the effects of ambiguous loss and techniques for dealing with this type of loss.
I also work as an expert witness in legal cases where ambiguous loss is a factor. Common cases include instances of traumatic brain injury, medical malfeasance, and wrongful death.
Individual or family therapy can help people process the loss in healthy ways and learn coping mechanisms to live with ambiguity. Having worked within this community for many years, I can provide therapy referrals.
I invite you to learn more by calling or emailing, whether you need assistance with a legal case or to set up an educational event.
