Defining Ambiguous Loss
Many families deal with ambiguous loss but may not realize it. Ambiguous loss happens to those who have experienced the unverified loss of a loved one. The concept was first identified and studied by my mentor and colleague, Dr. Pauline Boss. There are two types:
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Physical loss with psychological presence: Where a person is physically missing, such as when soldiers go missing in action, or bodies are not recovered following natural disasters or acts of terrorism; less extreme examples include losses felt through divorce, adoption or immigration
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Psychological loss with physical presence: Where a person is physically present, but mentally absent or altered due to things like Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, traumatic brain injury, depression, anxiety, autism, or addiction
In both cases, the person remains “present” within the family system and continues to affect the way family members relate to one another and to others. Because of the ambiguity of the loss, however, there is no real way to gain the “closure” one normally does following the clear loss of a loved one (i.e., death). There is always the chance this person might return or be cured.
Therefore, ambiguous loss can freeze the natural grieving process humans go through when they lose someone, hindering their personal growth and affecting their overall quality of life. Ambiguous loss is one of the most difficult losses to cope with and navigate.
Coping with Ambiguous Loss
Ambiguous loss is a relational issue. It does not originate within an individual psyche. The problem stems from circumstances beyond your control. For this reason, individual or family therapy can help with processing the loss in healthy ways and learning coping mechanisms to live with ambiguity. By building resilience, many clients can again find meaning and hope.
I also work as an expert witness in legal cases where ambiguous loss is a factor. Common cases include instances of traumatic brain injury, medical malpractice, and wrongful death. I’m also actively involved in educating families, professionals and communities about its effects and techniques for dealing with ambiguous loss.
To learn more, I invite you to contact my office by calling (763) 237-2053 or by email whether you need assistance with a legal claim or personal therapy.